Down 13lbs...

Well, it's a great start!!!!
Only 37 lbs to try for baby!!!!!
Also - a little note to say that working out with a friend is the absolute best thing you can do - I pushed myself harder, felt more motivated and encouraged and felt not the least bit self-conscious!
I need to find a permanent partner I think!

thinking I might be encouraged to post more often if I actually had some followers....

I'm just saying - It's getting lonely out here all by my lonesome!
Debating posting this to my facebook.....jeez...that would allow EVERYONE to see my world and struggles....

Hellu Hellu - My New Years Resolutions so far

So.....I'm down 11 pounds from January 2nd.....not bad - but I'm positive I can do better..... I can also do a bit better with posting to my blog.....
I've been eating a ton better.....We don't buy anything that isn't healthy - I'm sticking to portions and making sure my food is made up of mostly vegetables....I've also been taking in extra fibre and actually going to the gym! Not as much as I would like to. We have our house up for sale and it seems we've had quite a number of showings....Takes a lot of time....regardless, i need to make the time for my own health and get better for myself, and my family.....

Is a failure still a failure if they try and try and try again?

So it's been almost a month since my last post and the only thing I can say is that I've wasted yet another chunk of time in my life being fat! Though I could use every single excuse in the book (Christmas, being crazy busy, a million parties, my child is teething, I'm tired, etc.) - there really is no good excuse! It's my own choice to not exercise, not go to the gym, and to put every morsel of food in my mouth.  But I'm here....and I'm writing this....and I'm admitting my failure and defeat....and I'm starting over....again....It's slow, but it's happening. I have realized a couple of things since I started this 2 months ago. Number 1 - I can't give myself a little, because I am not strong enough to say no to the lot! I can't say no if there are foods around me that are my weakness. Number 2 - the gym frightens me! What am I afraid of? I used to not care what people thought - I used to walk into any place with my head held high! Am I afraid of everyone judging me? hummmm - I'm not sure. i took every step tonight to go to the gym - I received my membership yesterday, we set up a babysitter, my mp3 player is loaded and I was dressed for the part. After dropping our baby off, we pulled into the gym at 6pm on a Monday evening. The first Monday evening after New Years - Where everyone is trying to make good on their get thin now resolutions!
The place was packed! I didn't even get into the front door - I broke into tears with the thought of all those people there, looking, judging, comparing. The thing that freaked me out the most was that I could not see 1 other fat person - It was like a gym from a movie - Every one either looked like Barbie or Ken ( or Ken on 'roids)! What do I do with that? I was crying so hard my hubby zipped out of that parking lot fast!
So I've decided to try the women's only gym....and I will report back on that tomorrow.....

What I will say is that day 3 of my eating is going fantastically! I threw out every morsel of bad food from my cupboards, fridge and freezer. I have a salad every day for lunch, and have been having nutritious breakfasts and home cooked dinners....If I am hungry during the day - I snack on either fruit or veggies with the occasional yogurt....
and the water....It's coming - It seems every day I increase the amount by 2 cups...and I'm now up to about 6 per day....I still need more but it's a start!

Here's to a new year and a new me - speaking of which, I should list my resolutions:
1 - The obvious - to lose weight and not fail at it again!
2 - To be more organized
3 - to be more money-conscious
4 - to be able to try for another baby by year's end....
5 - to sell our house ( I can't really control this one, but it's a goal)

So sick....

Since Monday night I've done nothing.....Every day I wake up and clock-watch until my husband can come home and take my daughter off my hands. I can't remember the last time I was this sick. I think I have borderline pneumonia! No energy, my chest is sore and I'm bringing up things I've never seen before. Today is the first day I haven't been sweating with chills since Monday. I finally slept a bit last night but only with the help of some serious medication. I feel so guilty that I've been such a bad mother to my daughter - she has been amazing with me this week! I also have a huge guilt trip that I keep giving myself simply because I STILL haven't made it to the gym yet.....I am so angry!
I hate being sick - and now I'll sink back into my pity party.....

Feelin good!!!!

I know it was only a 2 pound weight loss this week - but man I feel good! Motivated, Strong!
Maybe it's because IT has started!
By IT, I mean the hustle and bustle of Christmas and the holidays! The overeating, eating out, the I'm too lazy and too busy to cook, so let's order in; the mall food; the party food; the sweets, cookies and baked goods that aren't around all year long; the cold, winter, snowy days where the absolute LAST thing you want to do is exercise! The time of year where you have every excuse to get fatter and fatter!!!!! and you know what? I lost weight! Hee Hee! This is doable!
If I make no other goals this month - I just don't want to gain anything....I want to beat this and prove it to myself that I can get through the hardest time of year without gaining. If I can do it this month, why couldn't I do it every other month?

Just a thought.....

It's Been a while...again....

because again I've fallen off the wagon - I can't seem to get this......why is this so difficult for me? I feel so low and guilty and like I will never be able to do this.....so then I eat and it makes me feel better for a millisecond (because i love food) but then i feel guilty for eating......

I need some serious motivation and determination to YET AGAIN START OVER!!!!!

So, after 2 days of talking (whining and crying) to my hubby about my weight and losing it - he came home with the most amazing thing.....a corporate gym membership to Goodlife Fitness, and that's not all ladies and gentlemen, he brought home a brand new pair of asics running shoes. What did I do to deserve this man? He is so supportive and amazing with everything. He just goes with the flow of whatever I am feeling.....
but back to the gift - there were 2 problems - Number 1, The membership didn't start until January.....I figure I'll be up another 10 lbs if I let it go until then! So, Goodlife is offering a $14 for 14 days deal and what do you know, my hubby gets that too - "In case I wanted to start early" - Could he be any sweeter? Perfect! Problem 2 - and this is the big one - getting my big behind there without feeling intimidated and embarrassed. I don't get it, before I've never been embarrassed like this to do active things - why now? Is it partly having a baby? the changes my body has gone through? I'm not sure, but all I know is that I need to do it.....Here's hoping I can get up the courage to go tomorrow!
Wish me luck, and motivation if you can......