Is a failure still a failure if they try and try and try again?

So it's been almost a month since my last post and the only thing I can say is that I've wasted yet another chunk of time in my life being fat! Though I could use every single excuse in the book (Christmas, being crazy busy, a million parties, my child is teething, I'm tired, etc.) - there really is no good excuse! It's my own choice to not exercise, not go to the gym, and to put every morsel of food in my mouth.  But I'm here....and I'm writing this....and I'm admitting my failure and defeat....and I'm starting over....again....It's slow, but it's happening. I have realized a couple of things since I started this 2 months ago. Number 1 - I can't give myself a little, because I am not strong enough to say no to the lot! I can't say no if there are foods around me that are my weakness. Number 2 - the gym frightens me! What am I afraid of? I used to not care what people thought - I used to walk into any place with my head held high! Am I afraid of everyone judging me? hummmm - I'm not sure. i took every step tonight to go to the gym - I received my membership yesterday, we set up a babysitter, my mp3 player is loaded and I was dressed for the part. After dropping our baby off, we pulled into the gym at 6pm on a Monday evening. The first Monday evening after New Years - Where everyone is trying to make good on their get thin now resolutions!
The place was packed! I didn't even get into the front door - I broke into tears with the thought of all those people there, looking, judging, comparing. The thing that freaked me out the most was that I could not see 1 other fat person - It was like a gym from a movie - Every one either looked like Barbie or Ken ( or Ken on 'roids)! What do I do with that? I was crying so hard my hubby zipped out of that parking lot fast!
So I've decided to try the women's only gym....and I will report back on that tomorrow.....

What I will say is that day 3 of my eating is going fantastically! I threw out every morsel of bad food from my cupboards, fridge and freezer. I have a salad every day for lunch, and have been having nutritious breakfasts and home cooked dinners....If I am hungry during the day - I snack on either fruit or veggies with the occasional yogurt....
and the water....It's coming - It seems every day I increase the amount by 2 cups...and I'm now up to about 6 per day....I still need more but it's a start!

Here's to a new year and a new me - speaking of which, I should list my resolutions:
1 - The obvious - to lose weight and not fail at it again!
2 - To be more organized
3 - to be more money-conscious
4 - to be able to try for another baby by year's end....
5 - to sell our house ( I can't really control this one, but it's a goal)