Since Monday night I've done nothing.....Every day I wake up and clock-watch until my husband can come home and take my daughter off my hands. I can't remember the last time I was this sick. I think I have borderline pneumonia! No energy, my chest is sore and I'm bringing up things I've never seen before. Today is the first day I haven't been sweating with chills since Monday. I finally slept a bit last night but only with the help of some serious medication. I feel so guilty that I've been such a bad mother to my daughter - she has been amazing with me this week! I also have a huge guilt trip that I keep giving myself simply because I STILL haven't made it to the gym yet.....I am so angry!
I hate being sick - and now I'll sink back into my pity party.....
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Feelin good!!!!
I know it was only a 2 pound weight loss this week - but man I feel good! Motivated, Strong!
Maybe it's because IT has started!
By IT, I mean the hustle and bustle of Christmas and the holidays! The overeating, eating out, the I'm too lazy and too busy to cook, so let's order in; the mall food; the party food; the sweets, cookies and baked goods that aren't around all year long; the cold, winter, snowy days where the absolute LAST thing you want to do is exercise! The time of year where you have every excuse to get fatter and fatter!!!!! and you know what? I lost weight! Hee Hee! This is doable!
If I make no other goals this month - I just don't want to gain anything....I want to beat this and prove it to myself that I can get through the hardest time of year without gaining. If I can do it this month, why couldn't I do it every other month?
Just a thought.....
Maybe it's because IT has started!
By IT, I mean the hustle and bustle of Christmas and the holidays! The overeating, eating out, the I'm too lazy and too busy to cook, so let's order in; the mall food; the party food; the sweets, cookies and baked goods that aren't around all year long; the cold, winter, snowy days where the absolute LAST thing you want to do is exercise! The time of year where you have every excuse to get fatter and fatter!!!!! and you know what? I lost weight! Hee Hee! This is doable!
If I make no other goals this month - I just don't want to gain anything....I want to beat this and prove it to myself that I can get through the hardest time of year without gaining. If I can do it this month, why couldn't I do it every other month?
Just a thought.....
Thursday, December 2, 2010
It's Been a while...again....
because again I've fallen off the wagon - I can't seem to get this......why is this so difficult for me? I feel so low and guilty and like I will never be able to do this.....so then I eat and it makes me feel better for a millisecond (because i love food) but then i feel guilty for eating......
I need some serious motivation and determination to YET AGAIN START OVER!!!!!
So, after 2 days of talking (whining and crying) to my hubby about my weight and losing it - he came home with the most amazing thing.....a corporate gym membership to Goodlife Fitness, and that's not all ladies and gentlemen, he brought home a brand new pair of asics running shoes. What did I do to deserve this man? He is so supportive and amazing with everything. He just goes with the flow of whatever I am feeling.....
but back to the gift - there were 2 problems - Number 1, The membership didn't start until January.....I figure I'll be up another 10 lbs if I let it go until then! So, Goodlife is offering a $14 for 14 days deal and what do you know, my hubby gets that too - "In case I wanted to start early" - Could he be any sweeter? Perfect! Problem 2 - and this is the big one - getting my big behind there without feeling intimidated and embarrassed. I don't get it, before I've never been embarrassed like this to do active things - why now? Is it partly having a baby? the changes my body has gone through? I'm not sure, but all I know is that I need to do it.....Here's hoping I can get up the courage to go tomorrow!
Wish me luck, and motivation if you can......
I need some serious motivation and determination to YET AGAIN START OVER!!!!!
So, after 2 days of talking (whining and crying) to my hubby about my weight and losing it - he came home with the most amazing thing.....a corporate gym membership to Goodlife Fitness, and that's not all ladies and gentlemen, he brought home a brand new pair of asics running shoes. What did I do to deserve this man? He is so supportive and amazing with everything. He just goes with the flow of whatever I am feeling.....
but back to the gift - there were 2 problems - Number 1, The membership didn't start until January.....I figure I'll be up another 10 lbs if I let it go until then! So, Goodlife is offering a $14 for 14 days deal and what do you know, my hubby gets that too - "In case I wanted to start early" - Could he be any sweeter? Perfect! Problem 2 - and this is the big one - getting my big behind there without feeling intimidated and embarrassed. I don't get it, before I've never been embarrassed like this to do active things - why now? Is it partly having a baby? the changes my body has gone through? I'm not sure, but all I know is that I need to do it.....Here's hoping I can get up the courage to go tomorrow!
Wish me luck, and motivation if you can......
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Scale
Ya, This whole weighing myself 2-3 times a day thing is just not working for me anymore. It's depressing and I really don't know what I'm expecting? Like a weight loss of 10 pounds in a day. I need to trust my body here a realize that if I'm eating good and exercising, the weight will come off no matter what! Bye to the scale until weekly weigh-ins.....It's better for me this way - Can i do it though? Such a weird habit to want to break!
November 16th - Meals
Breakfast:
2 Low Fat Waffles
1 tsp Light Syrup
3/4 Banana
3 c. Green Tea
Snack:
Yogurt, FF, SF
1 sm orange
2 c. Water
Lunch:
Large Salad with tomatoes, peppers, onions, chicken, low fat cheese
1 tbsp Light Vinaigrette
1 c. strawberries
4 c. water
Snack:
V8
3 Stalks Celery with 2 Light laughing cow Cheese
2 c. water
Dinner:
Turkey Tacos - 3 (Light Cheese, Salsa, FF Sour Cream, lettuce, mushrooms)
Salad Greens
1 tbsp light dressing
4 c. water
Other:
1 40 min walk in afternoon
1 40 min walk in evening
2 c. water
2 Low Fat Waffles
1 tsp Light Syrup
3/4 Banana
3 c. Green Tea
Snack:
Yogurt, FF, SF
1 sm orange
2 c. Water
Lunch:
Large Salad with tomatoes, peppers, onions, chicken, low fat cheese
1 tbsp Light Vinaigrette
1 c. strawberries
4 c. water
Snack:
V8
3 Stalks Celery with 2 Light laughing cow Cheese
2 c. water
Dinner:
Turkey Tacos - 3 (Light Cheese, Salsa, FF Sour Cream, lettuce, mushrooms)
Salad Greens
1 tbsp light dressing
4 c. water
Other:
1 40 min walk in afternoon
1 40 min walk in evening
2 c. water
Last Night...
SOOOOOO....I feel really good today - very motivated to do the exercise thing. I absolutely LOVED the walk we took last night. We ended up taking a new trail and that's exactly what it was - a trail, not a street, not one of the boring walking paths that you can see miles and miles ahead of you - and I completely learned something about myself. As I was walking this trail last night with hubby and baby in tow, I lost track of time and before I knew it 45 mins had gone by, and I didn't think twice about it. Now, maybe a little back story is in order here, so, I can start that by saying that when exercising, whether it be walking, swimming, or any physical activity - I NEVER lose track of time, quite the contrary, I am constantly looking at the clock, thinking when will this be over, how much longer and has it been enough yet? So the fact that none of those things popped into my head last night, taught me that I really, truly enjoyed myself and in order for this exercise thing to work for me is to find the few things that I would get out of bed to do! Right now, that is hiking on trails and not your standard pounding the pavement.....very boring!
Monday, November 15, 2010
My Meals Today! An ongoing process.....
Breakfast:
Oatmeal with Splenda
3/4 Banana (other 1/4 went to my daughter )
2 c. Green Tea
Snack:
1 serving Triscuits
1 Laughing Cow Cheese - Light
2 c. Water
Lunch:
Large Spinach Salad with Light Feta, Onions, Croutons, Cherry Tomatoes
1 Tbsp. Light Onion Vinaigrette
Yogurt - FF, SF
4 c. Water
Snack:
Gala Apple - Sliced
1 tbsp. Light Peanut Butter
2 c. Water
Dinner:
Roasted Chicken Breast
1 serving Mashed Potatoes
Green Beans with Slivered Almonds
Broccoli
Roll with Light butter
4 c. Water
Other:
4 more cups of tea/water during the day
45 mins walking
Wow - It's so much food! But I really feel that if I track it like this, that it will keep me on the wagon!
Oatmeal with Splenda
3/4 Banana (other 1/4 went to my daughter )
2 c. Green Tea
Snack:
1 serving Triscuits
1 Laughing Cow Cheese - Light
2 c. Water
Lunch:
Large Spinach Salad with Light Feta, Onions, Croutons, Cherry Tomatoes
1 Tbsp. Light Onion Vinaigrette
Yogurt - FF, SF
4 c. Water
Snack:
Gala Apple - Sliced
1 tbsp. Light Peanut Butter
2 c. Water
Dinner:
Roasted Chicken Breast
1 serving Mashed Potatoes
Green Beans with Slivered Almonds
Broccoli
Roll with Light butter
4 c. Water
Other:
4 more cups of tea/water during the day
45 mins walking
Wow - It's so much food! But I really feel that if I track it like this, that it will keep me on the wagon!
Weigh - In and New Plan
So it's yet again Monday morning and I have yet again fallen off the wagon - I ate out 4 times this week! Not intentionally by any means, as I was catching up with old friends, out with new friends and had a date night last night with my hubby. No Excuses! I could have chosen not to!
So my weight as of this morning is a GAIN of 3lbs! 3 lbs! Seriously?
After speaking with my completely supportive husband, we are going to try a new route.
Walking every night as soon as he gets home from work - I just have to have the baby and dogs ready to go...simple and small steps which will hopefully lead to big ones....
oh - and the water thing :)
So my weight as of this morning is a GAIN of 3lbs! 3 lbs! Seriously?
After speaking with my completely supportive husband, we are going to try a new route.
Walking every night as soon as he gets home from work - I just have to have the baby and dogs ready to go...simple and small steps which will hopefully lead to big ones....
oh - and the water thing :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Haven't Been On in a few.....
I think it's actually my guilt! After such a great start, last week I only lost 2 lbs. Still a loss, but I'm very overweight so I expect it to come off a bit quicker than that....and i've been slipping a bit....I find it hard to get enough water (really a very simple thing if you think about it - but maybe that's the problem, I don't think about it at all) and I've been eating out, not ordering the best things, and snacking on unhealthy things at home! Why is this so hard for me?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
It was my choice to get fat....and it's my choice to lose the weight.
Just a musing that I felt like posting....
What a concept huh? To think after all of the struggling I've had with my weight, that it could all be because of my choices to BE fat? That I chose this life?
After doing some searching of other's inspirational blogs and YouTube posts of people trying to lose weight just like me, and this is what I've come to realize, that I did choose it, but I'm not entirely sure why. I'm not sure why food became my comfort or why I resort to it when I'm stressed. I didn't have a hard childhood, I've never had a problem making friends or even having a man in my life. Though I was a little overweight in high school (certainly not what I am now) I was never teased and instead had a great group of supportive friends and participated in activities and sports with vigor, as my weight was never an issue, even for me. I am a hard worker in other areas of my life. I did not grow up with money, but put myself through college and eventually started my own business successfully at the age of 19. After 6 years of the business, I knew I wanted to start a family, so I decided to take a job in the government to receive parental leave. I did struggle to conceive and when we were about to start the testing processes on myself, that is when we learned we were finally pregnant. Flash forward a year of pregnancy and now with a 3 month old infant, the weight just doesn't fall off like it has with every one of my girlfriends. I know, unrealistic expectations, but I breastfed solely and figured it would help. It didn't.
Now with a 6 1/2 month old, my stomach feels like jello, and my motivation is dwindling along with the time I have left to lose weight (In my mind I wanted to lose a significant amount before heading back to work - I am off for a year for goodness sake.) So, again it gets me thinking, why did I choose to eat that or choose not to go for a walk or to take a nap when my daughter is sleeping, when she slept the night before just fine? Why can't I drink all the water I should or choose to eat a second helping? Why am I choosing to be fat? Is it comforting? NO! Am I in control? Not in the least!
So maybe if I put it into a series of choices.....Just make it simple and always make it about the best choice and think about why I would want to make the unhealthy choice. I've never thought of it like that....Have you?
What a concept huh? To think after all of the struggling I've had with my weight, that it could all be because of my choices to BE fat? That I chose this life?
After doing some searching of other's inspirational blogs and YouTube posts of people trying to lose weight just like me, and this is what I've come to realize, that I did choose it, but I'm not entirely sure why. I'm not sure why food became my comfort or why I resort to it when I'm stressed. I didn't have a hard childhood, I've never had a problem making friends or even having a man in my life. Though I was a little overweight in high school (certainly not what I am now) I was never teased and instead had a great group of supportive friends and participated in activities and sports with vigor, as my weight was never an issue, even for me. I am a hard worker in other areas of my life. I did not grow up with money, but put myself through college and eventually started my own business successfully at the age of 19. After 6 years of the business, I knew I wanted to start a family, so I decided to take a job in the government to receive parental leave. I did struggle to conceive and when we were about to start the testing processes on myself, that is when we learned we were finally pregnant. Flash forward a year of pregnancy and now with a 3 month old infant, the weight just doesn't fall off like it has with every one of my girlfriends. I know, unrealistic expectations, but I breastfed solely and figured it would help. It didn't.
Now with a 6 1/2 month old, my stomach feels like jello, and my motivation is dwindling along with the time I have left to lose weight (In my mind I wanted to lose a significant amount before heading back to work - I am off for a year for goodness sake.) So, again it gets me thinking, why did I choose to eat that or choose not to go for a walk or to take a nap when my daughter is sleeping, when she slept the night before just fine? Why can't I drink all the water I should or choose to eat a second helping? Why am I choosing to be fat? Is it comforting? NO! Am I in control? Not in the least!
So maybe if I put it into a series of choices.....Just make it simple and always make it about the best choice and think about why I would want to make the unhealthy choice. I've never thought of it like that....Have you?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
My Plan....
After years of losing 10.....gaining 11....losing 20 to gain 25....and trying multiple diets, multiple times - I took the most common sense approach that I feel will work for me, and made it mine.
Here's the RULES that I'm following:
1. Approximately 1500 Calories per day.
2. Drink 1 cup or 8 oz. of water or tea for every waking hour that I am up....I know it seems like a lot, but I am extremely overweight and need the extra fluids.
3. No eating after 8pm. (If I am too hungry for words, a V8 will suffice)
4. 300 Calories for Breakfast,
300 Calories for Lunch,
500 Calories for Dinner and
400 Calories for Snacks
I DO NOT COUNT VEGETABLES IN MY CALORIE COUNTS
5. 20 mins of activity per day. This will change as the weeks go on, but for now 20 mins is good. Activity can include all forms of exercise, even cleaning (as long as I'm working up a sweat.)
6. MEAL PLAN - It's Easier, Cheaper and Keeps me on TRACK!!!!
7. One allowance - 1 day every 2 weeks is an allowance for a restaurant meal in which I refuse to count the calories.
That's it.... to be honest it was easy to follow this week.... I ate a ton and still lost 7 lbs so far!!!!! Can't wait to see next weeks weight loss.
Here's the RULES that I'm following:
1. Approximately 1500 Calories per day.
2. Drink 1 cup or 8 oz. of water or tea for every waking hour that I am up....I know it seems like a lot, but I am extremely overweight and need the extra fluids.
3. No eating after 8pm. (If I am too hungry for words, a V8 will suffice)
4. 300 Calories for Breakfast,
300 Calories for Lunch,
500 Calories for Dinner and
400 Calories for Snacks
I DO NOT COUNT VEGETABLES IN MY CALORIE COUNTS
5. 20 mins of activity per day. This will change as the weeks go on, but for now 20 mins is good. Activity can include all forms of exercise, even cleaning (as long as I'm working up a sweat.)
6. MEAL PLAN - It's Easier, Cheaper and Keeps me on TRACK!!!!
7. One allowance - 1 day every 2 weeks is an allowance for a restaurant meal in which I refuse to count the calories.
That's it.... to be honest it was easy to follow this week.... I ate a ton and still lost 7 lbs so far!!!!! Can't wait to see next weeks weight loss.
My Story.....or rather a bit about me
Here's some facts about me and my struggle with weight:
I will post my Plan next!
- I am 27 years old.
- I am extremely overweight, but most of the time I don't feel as overweight as I am - then I see a picture....It's a slap in the face every time.... Isn't that weird? It's like the opposite of anorexia. I feel and think I am thinner than what I really am. Weird huh? Anyone else have this?
- I have tried many diets, but not all of them. I've been on Weight Watchers, Doctor Phil, Atkins and Isagenix. By far, Weight Watchers is the best! Amazing and supportive and I would do it again in a heartbeat IF my heart was in it. I've tried calorie counting and exercising like a mad woman! Clearly I've failed at all of them - so I made up my own plan.....
- I had a baby 6 months ago - I did not gain any weight with my pregnancy (actually I lost weight) so I can not place blame of any of my weight on that.
- I am a huge emotional eater! Happy, sad, bored, celebratory, you name it - I can find an excuse to eat!
- I am not a picky eater in the least....I just do not like seafood.....however, i keep trying it thinking that one day it will magically not taste like rubber :)
- My bad cravings: Pizza, Chocolate and bread
- My good cravings: Any fruit - but especially pineapple and grapes, and there's something to be said about a toasted tomato sandwich!
- I am too embarrassed to post my actual weight on here....
- But I can tell you my size which is a 22 or a 2x
- I have many goals - one being that I can go into any store and find something to fit.
- Another is to lose enough weight to try for another baby....I'm hoping 50 lbs would do for that.
I will post my Plan next!
Monday, November 1, 2010
What this blog means to me.....
Truth be told - This is the first time I have ever done anything such as blog, write or journal. I have actually had the blog for 2 weeks now, waiting to see if I would actually use it. I have realized that I need to. I need to be absolutely 100% accountable about everything in my life that has to do with weight, food and exercise and this seems to be the best way to do so. So, I will use it as a tool to tell all of the other truths which need to be told (regardless of how embarrassing)....and hopefully somewhere along the way, someone will read it and find a small hope, a small inspiration or a small piece of motivation to help themselves with this long, disgustingly hard journey. If nothing else, it will help me in my own journey.
If you haven't realized by now, I clearly have issues with my weight. And losing it :)
I'm hoping that this will be the FINAL time that I need to "start over again tomorrow."
So, I've comprised a sort of lifestyle plan/change to help in my weight-loss efforts....I started it last Monday and have lost 7 lbs so far. In a week. Pretty amazing to me......Hopefully next week is just as good!
If you haven't realized by now, I clearly have issues with my weight. And losing it :)
I'm hoping that this will be the FINAL time that I need to "start over again tomorrow."
So, I've comprised a sort of lifestyle plan/change to help in my weight-loss efforts....I started it last Monday and have lost 7 lbs so far. In a week. Pretty amazing to me......Hopefully next week is just as good!
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